I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
