He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
