so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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