hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
