my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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