He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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