I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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