With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
