There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
