help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
from now on my penis is your penis
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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