Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
