Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize