At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
