i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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