No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
