I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
