My underwear smells like fireworks.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
