so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
