In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
