I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
