She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
