Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
