last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
His nipple licking is glorious
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