i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
