so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
