i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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