One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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