Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
