OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
