I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
