How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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