This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
