i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
