Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
