I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
