I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
