and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
