i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
