rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize