yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
