In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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