so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize