he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
