The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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