is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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