JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
