so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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