I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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