There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We smell like vodka and hangover
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