In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
