I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
