I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
