Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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