i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
