Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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