We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
