There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
