I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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