Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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