I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Randomize
