I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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