Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
