So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
