my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
