whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
