Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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