the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
