last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
