Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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