I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
