How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
BRING THE BAGELS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
