I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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