i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
